OMG… I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a giant pair of boobs. Normally, for a guy, this isn’t exactly a horrible place to be. But I’m a woman, and when that giant pair of breasts is attached to one pathetic excuse for a singer, I think you would have to be a deaf man to be okay with this. Or maybe a baboon, but they say monkeys and such are actually highly intelligent creatures, so they may just throw poo at her.. which doesn’t really sound too bad either. So Ill have to get back to you on that one.

So You have heard the news. Somehow, in some parallel universe, someone decided pairing trampy town Simpson with Rascal Flatts was a good idea. Obviously someone is trying to single handedly destroy the band by forcing them to listen to her screeching night after night until the all go blind and cut off their winkies.

So I am about to promote something horrible. I urge all you out there to hope your deepest hope for something horrible. I’m sorry. I propose we all concentrate all our energy into hoping Jessica slutson really is pregnant. I also encourage everyone to hope she has a happy healthy pregnancy, resulting in a happy healthy baby. (I realize that hoping country music, (or music in generals) Antichrist gives birth is a crime against humanity and is probably a sin, but like I said, its like trading worse for just really bad.) But I figure, if we all hope she and the baby are happy healthy and fine, I we wont get an express ticket to H-E-Double-hockey-sticks if we also hope girlfriend gets some serious cravings for something like.. say.. fried pickles. And if she cant stop eating fried pickles, maybe her blood pressure will get just high enough that the doctor will put her on bed rest for say, oh.. the next nine months or so. Again, not high enough that it will actually hurt her or the baby, just high enough that she cant do things like.. ohhh… go on tour with Rascal Flatts. Then, once the baby is born, she will take one look at her new little tater tot and decided that shes going to give up the lime light to be fulfilled as a stay at home mom.. forever. No mid-life come backs.

Hey a girl can dream.